Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 7

[PsySara]

1. How qualified is the IC? A psychologist?

She is a licensed clinical psycholigst who is certified in family and marriage counseling, she has national Gottman certification and she has a Ph.D. I did extensive vetting before choosing her.

2. Is it the same Gottman MC who tried to get you to give up?

Yes

3. Did your H display any of these traits while you were dating or before BD?

...no? I look back and see a lot of cluelessness, eventually he would realize how selfish something he did was, he would change his behavior. He's always been very rigid inside his own head but honestly I felt he behaved more like someone with Asperger's. If you told him in very concrete ways ("When you did this I felt like this") He would "get it." But now I am doubting my own ability to see the forest or even the trees with regards to WH. His personality is so cold and just...mean now. HE has no remorse or empathy for the pain he has wrought. He always goes back to my "short comings" when we discuss how much the affair hurt me.


ForGump:
Like I said with Dory, WH was a bit clueless unless I spelled it out in clear, concrete terms when he did something that hurt me. But I kind of felt he might be lightly on the Autism spectrum. Now I have no idea.

Surfer,
I was always able to control my anger in the past once I married WH. But there was something about the affair that just...broke me. Now this rage sticks in my throat, in my chest. It suffocates me and colors my days and nights, it steals my joy. The fact that WH just appears so utterly apathetic to the destruction he's wrought. The injustice that he just sleeps with some wh0re and then gets to abandon his wife and kids, I see red. I have apologized for losing my temper but most of the time WH just scoffs and tells me that my apology means nothing, that it's in my nature to be angry. And it isn't, I'm not comfortable in my own skin right now, this anger burns me from the inside out. I'll watch that "It's not about the nail."

Vanilla,

An observation again from me, Sara by being there at home after the proceedure and asking WH to take care of the kids, pretty please is minimising

I asked WH to watch the kids because I had NO energy left. I was completely empty and exhausted. If he didn't watch the kids I am not sure what I would have done, called a relative or something? I just didn't have it in me to boot strap my way through it. Today I talked to a trusted colleague who is married to a WH. HE cheated on her when their son was 2 years old, she stayed and tried and tried to reconcile but he would relapse and cheat again and again. She says she stopped caring and that's when the anger went a way. She is filing for divorce this summer and their son is 13. She told me if she were in my place she would simply file and call it a day. She feels like she has wasted the last 10 years of her life waiting on her WH to fix himself but he never has. I will definitely read your threads this weekend, thank you Vanilla.

JimKao,
I am trying to decide if NPD is really his "label" or if it's simply the result of being wayward? Chicken or egg, you know?

I made it through the work day and came home, bought pizza for delivery for the kids and now just letting my hair down. Weird thoughts have been going through my head, like taking off my hijab permanently. Part of me feels I was doing it as a respect towards my husband, another part of me likes controlling who can and cannot see my more attractive features. I don't know, I think I am kind of spinning but without much emotion. Apathetic spinning? Burn out? This coming week I am going to try and schedule a day for a massage or something.