Help - boundaries. Am I doing th ewrong thing?

[Woke_Up]

I am not going to leave the house.

OK - good

We have a boundary!

One at least. It's been a bit of a roller coaster day. After the argument in the morning, she was quite pleasant to me at lunch time, I complimented her on her new lipstick she was trying out, she was smiley and even gave me a kiss. Threw me a bit. I'm not sure I would normally do just a straightforward compliment, which was why I did it, as an attempt at a 180.

Then this evening at dinner, it was not good. Almost as if a trap had been set. Started off talking about something, the I got distracted by my daughter. When I sat back down she was just staring silently - said 'I'm waiting'... then proceeded to argue with me for not having a conversation. I pointed out that she had a podcast playing on her phone - then it was that I never make conversation (she has a point, I struggle with it), she felt alone, she didn't have any friends, only Youtube (she listens to a lot of politics and stuff, and the EAP, that I wasn't her friend.

Then it was dragging up past faults, past arguments, much of the not so good stuff in our history. The blocking of the Skype thing was the real cause though, that I was infantilising her again, that she can do what she wants, that if I want to make things hard she will make them harder.

All sorts of threats and nastiness, that I was driving her away, and may even dive her away abroad.. the implied threat being she will go to her EA in the states and take our daughter with her.

She says that I am trying to control her and what she can and can't do, and thinks that if she tells me our R is over, that therefore I should back down and take the skype block off as we are not together and she can do what she wants, and that it's no longer an affair, as the R is over.

She asked me to top up the credit on her phone and I refused, which also infuriated her - she was used to me always doing things like that for her, but again I see it as enabling the EA, and I don't want to be a part of that.

I'm not angry about it, if anything it felt like an addict who couldn't get their hit. She ended up storming out of the house to go to somewhere she could find a WiFI connection and get on her Skype. She's back now, and we are keeping distance.

This will give me time to reflect and read some more of DR. Posting here is at least giving me a chance to think through what is happening, reflect, and hopefully focus on improving me as a person, not just trying to change to please her.