Lost in the MLC Desert

[d_Rose]

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses.

Job - I am honored to have you post on my thread. Homework has been in progress for months. I have read most of the links/threads referenced, but need to start on the books (but have read Divorce Remedy.) I am re-reading many of the threads as well, as I am better able to absorb them now that when it all first happened.

Westo- Thanks. I am not familiar with your sitch. I will try to read up on it over the weekend. Your registration date is pretty recent, so I am anxious to see where you are and how you are dealing with things.

HaWho - I hear your name mentioned often on people's threads, and have read some of your sitch. You seem to be a model for how to live with your MLCer and have a running batch of STFU smoothies in the blender. I am finding I need a touch of vodka in mine Thanks for the reference to the other poster who also runs a business with her MLCer. I will look her up. I think I remember something someone posted like that - her H lives far away and she runs the business - also some drama about H's brother in the business as well?

I have urged D19 to go to IC. She did go twice, but did not click with that particular therapist. I have given her a pre-screened list with several to choose from - now she has to call to make the appt. She has a history of depression, and could have benefited for years from going to IC, but always refused. It is tough when you are 14 or 15 to admit you have a problem. But as she has gotten older, she is more willing to seek help and learn coping skills. With me being a nurse, and mental illness in our family, we are VERY open about depression, treatments, and getting help to have a good quality of life. No stigma here for sure. I think she is more open now as she has an excuse.... "I need help dealing with what Dad has done." That is much easier on the self image that saying - "I need help, I have a problem." I'll keep you posted. She is just finishing her first semester in the honors college of our state university. To her credit, she has managed well and come out with great grades despite dealing with all of this. Her dad and her were VERY close, I know she misses the old dad.

Andrew: I feel like I know you, as I have read most of your threads. You have such a nice wit about you - love reading your posts. I'm not sure I can keep up intellectually, but can probably match you in sarcasm. It is an easy mask for me to hide behind.

Perhaps it's because of all the reading you've been doing or maybe it's just you, but you seem quite rational about the whole thing which is a major accomplishment in and of itself.

Don't let me fool you. I know all the things rationally that I write and sometimes even manage to believe and feel them for a few hours. But all too often I slip into the dark emotional place of sadness, grief, and hopelessness. As time goes by I am able to pull myself out of that quicker and quicker. It is one this to know, another to fully internalize the truth that this is all about them and we have no control. I will admit to not wanting to live and go through this pain at several points in the first couple of months. Not that I had plans to do anything, but the pain was so great, it would have been easier to just leave it behind. I am past that now, and can see most of the time that I can have a life and happiness without H if it comes to that. I would rather share it with him, but that is ultimately his choice right now.

I will try to post more throughout the weekend on our current contact pattern, etc. And I will try to read up on those of you I am not as familiar with.

Have a great Friday!