So here’s my story: W and I are both 36 and have known each other for 18 years, been together for 16 and married for 11 and have 2 kids (6/4). We have been having issues here and there but nothing earth shattering but everything came apart in the last couple of months. First (In October) she told me that she wanted a separation because she needed time apart and wanted to sort through her thoughts- then as we continued to discuss it came out that she was having an EA with her boss since September and now is ready to walk away as she thinks she has found someone that truly understands her and makes her happy. We are currently living together but are in the process of separating- I have read the DR/DB books and the threads on here and realized quickly that I was doing all the wrongs things- pleading, begging, crying, chasing- leaving nice notes, telling her how much I love her and how great she looks (she did admit that it was swaying her but also made her angry as to why it took this to get here). I have now stopped all this and am doing a 180 and limiting contact and things seem to be getting better as we are not fighting but that is also because we are not discussing anything- I am only on Day 4 of the 180. She of course is nicer to me now and left this morning stating we will always be friends and I kind of rolled my eyes and she stated that she at least knows she wants to.
As far as I know she is still talking to the OM at one point she did state that she was planning on just serving me with divorce papers but then realized I’m not that bad of a person. I am in the process of detaching myself from her but it is difficult as we have been together since 20. She has also admitted that she is still physically attracted to me and knows that she can’t help that but has also stated ILYBNILWY. Up until a I did the 180 we were ML 2-3 times a week and I am pretty sure we could continue too however I have not done anything to initiate since the 180- any thoughts on this?
Through the process of detachment I am actually beginning to question why I would want to stick around for someone that is capable of doing all this and showing no remorse but I have not yet decided to completely pull the plug but having this mindset definitely helps in GAL and moving on. I have realized that she needs to fix her wrongs on her own but it is very hard to stand by and do nothing without knowing what the future holds.
We had originally planned on attending counselling but she stated that she was doing it just for me and had no desire so I ended up cancelling them all together- we are planning to separate in January (kids will be split 4/4). I will try and keep my 180 up until then and see what happens. One thing I’ve found helpful is that I have a count-up clock that shows how long I have been 180ing and it definitely helps keep it in perspective that I don’t want to lose the hard work to date. Any tips/ideas would be helpful…never thought I would be in this situation.
