Today S8 said he cried at school because a boy was teasing him and for some reason he thought of mom and missed her and started crying. I told him that was normal since he just saw her this past weekend and that things will be ok.
This is what I mean about how you MIGHT be better off living far away from her in the long run. She may have been a really great mom when she and you adopted these children; but, that woman does not exist anymore (until and unless she ceases and repents of her sins). Every time your boys spend time with her and then come back to your relative stability --- they act out. As it stands now, that's only happening now and then when she and you can manage it. But when you move there ~~ her toxicity, selfishness and entitlement will plague them (actually --mostly you) several times every week.
As far as meds and the FOC stating the doctor will decide, that's really code for you ALONE (as truly their only remaining responsible parent) getting to decide whether to medicate them or not, based upon YOUR consultation with the doctors and having such decision be controlling no matter what objections your ex-wife tries to make. The FOC person has given you it's blessing to take your kids to the doctor and do whatever you feel is best - without having to consider your wife's feelings, objections, involvement or try to get her permission or consent. I don't think the FOC person was really saying you had to do whatever the doctor said, but rather, telling you - YOU can choose to do whatever the doctor says and don't have to get your uncaring and non-cooperative ex-wifes' permission.
Still think you should delay the move awhile. Develop a new normal of being a single dad that has primary care and custody of the boys for awhile and have everyone adjust to that BEFORE bringing toxic abandoning mom back into the picture 50/50, only to figure out it's not that great and you need to move back "home" to Michigan 2 years from now.
What if what's best for the boys is having mom far away?
What about the rest of your life?? You matter also and is your life (absent ex-wife) likely to include dating and moving on in Toronto?? What about your extended family? You, as the sole remaining healthy parent, need to be happy and healthy too. I know it seems almost impossible to accomplish that in Michigan and, maybe, having your every other weekends free consistently in Toronto might help but what woman is going to date a man with 5 boys, a crazy local ex-wife, and who might be moving back to Michigan in 2 years (not that I think dating is a great thing to be doing for a couple of years -- just trying to talk out YOUR health and happiness).
Final thought - despite what your lawyer said about moving to Toronto, be very careful. Don't give up overnights and lean too heavily on your ex-wife and her family for help. They will (or should be) documenting everything you do relative to those boys in order to use it against you someday in court. The plan going in that it's a temporary move (which is smart, I believe, to give YOU the primary parent the option to get back "home" to Michigan), may very well also motivate them to consult with an attorney or two themselves to see if they can somehow "steal" back custody from you should you try to leave. That's the question you need to ask the Canadian attorney. How, should your ex-wife want to challenge custody in Canada before you move back, could she go about accomplishing that? What arguments, facts and/or lies could she attempt to present to establish a viable case? Your ex-wife may not do that at all. Documenting a custody case is hard work and entitled way wards don't often have the ability to pursue claims that take lots of evidence so it's just easier to demand it and make things up. What you most likely need to do is document the crap out of your defense to her potential bogus claims up front and stick to the custody order you currently are working with to the letter (and document that to). Keep an online or handwritten calendar journal of all visitation and overnight. Money spent should ALL be documented - never hand her cash or she'll deny it. Take pictures and update your face book with happy life experiences with you and the boys all the time (Facebook is great proof of well adjusted happy family). I'd even recommend having hidden camera's in public areas of your home such that any real accidents that are bound to happen with 5 boys doesn't get blown up into investigations of abuse or neglect. Camera's and internet backup recordings are so cheap now and as a single parent, sometimes you need an extra set of eyes on your children as they become teenagers. They might not document or catch everything but they might certainly provide you with another defense tool should things ever blow up. Even just a motion camera at your front door keeping track of and recording everyone coming and going might help.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
