Thanks for sharing your story. First of all, thank you for your service and the sacrifices your family has made.
5 months post BD you are doing very well! There are others here who co-own businesses with a spouse in MLC. I think of 2Times2Many. So there may be posters here who can support you through that. Because MLCers make bad decisions, best to track bank accounts secretly and watch the business expenses. Maybe you already do this, but as you did not mention it, just want to make sure you know.
As for your kids, all kids handle this differently. With your daughter, obviously she has every right to be hurt by the hypocrisy. Have you recommended IC for her? At her age, I think it can help her process and learn life lasting coping skills. Not all kids want to go though. Even your silent kids could benefit from the offer.
Keep posting and taking care of you and your kids . . .
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
