Postpartum, Antidepressants, and wife lost feeling

[Steady9]

MLH--I have been back with my W for 50 days... she has been very nice to me for these 50 days... I have been up and down in my head about our M over this time frame...happy or not as happy--for me, it is related to the judgement, forgiveness, blame etc.... If I could do these things completely, I think I would be happy... But I also know she is not the person I created in my head over the past 15 years.... I had a fantasy (not reality) about our marriage and about her.... I am nice to her, I do not get angry (or she never sees it so to speak) I never yell or raise my voice during this whole time. My intent has been that if we make it through this, I would have done mostly the right things.... being mature...

I wanted to save the MR so to speak, and then know I may need to walk away later because maybe I could be happier with someone else or by myself etc... This helps me even today. I try to do the best things to save the MR... I used this forum for ideas...

I thought what is the harm in working to save the MR and then if I change my mind, it is my choice, versus hers (maybe that is selfish...) but it helped me stay focused and less emotional.