Your W is very clearly wayard. You would know if she had cold sores, (I have had them since I was a child, horrible crops of simplex) this isn't the same virus as genital herpes.
And if she is offering sex to you or has and has this virus that is unpleasant.
Please go get tested, truly I believe this is necessary for your health. I got tested, it is in one of my threads. Sleeping with your spouse knowing you have an STD is assault.
Go please and get this done. Chlamydia is the hidden nasty here along with HIV and syphilis.
Your WW is cake eating in a big way, I am undecided if an OM has been kicked to the kerb, but wayward is as wayward does. Some waywards just have another A partner in the wings. This unfolds in time.
My latest post on NC was on my thread recently with my strategy. And yes it is possible to do modified NC with kids. This means an online calender and only doing admin with BIFF responses.
Expect your WW to kick back with sweetness to hold you as a resource for funding her behaviour. I like that you have held on to the MR, this has a good advantage for dads who want joint custody of their kids. Personally letting her have stuff from the house is great as later she won't be able to say you were greedy. And it's only stuff, cleansing your space of WW is pretty essential in reducing triggers.
Reality will bite.
I read a little bit of 'nicing' your WW, it's fine as a move on strategy I think, however it lacks strength.
At some stage "WW I do not want friendship with you, I can and will co-parent (or parallel parent). You are my W and that is the R I want. Until you commit fully to our M then friendship is out.'
Friendly neighbour and BIFF instead.
I am concerned that you have explored codependency issues. There are several resources oft mentioned on codependency. I will not mention them except to say it is a distict possibility that this may apply. Please consider reviewing if you are a 'nice' guy, and as a 'nice' lady myself I can say that nice does not mean nice. It means lack of boundaries.
A favourite of mine is Al Turtle on boundaries, he writest for teenagers and has wonderful metaphors. I would like you to have clarity on boundaries and your objectives as it seems more like go with the flow.
Billy I have very little anger too, your WW misled you, the IC and MC for quite a while, this is duplicity and smoke and mirrors. Takes quite a deliberate effort to do that. This is a WW who thinks her H is maleable, I sense so.
I see no moment on the Kubler Ross curve, I read a WH in denial not acceptance. Those are my thoughts.
MrBond pointed out to you that you did that which you thought was better husband activity. Those were likely your ideas not a joint idea. If you read DB and DR you will read this is typical for a WAW, however in your sitch I think your W has gone WW not WAW.
Nicing won't cut it in your sitch I think. If gifts are needed for the kids ask WW what they are and buy them yourself is my thinking.
These are my thoughts Billy.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
