After some restful nights, I understand what you are asking Job. Yes, I am afraid he is going to say no to my invitations. And yes, I am afraid his choices will not always be what I expect and that he will not want to do things with me.
However, this was not always the case. The fears I have materialized after BD. They stem from the concern that he is serious about wanting a divorce. The fear is that his saying no to my invitations means he no longer loves me and will move forward to obtain a divorce.
My stomach turns in knots in the moments between my asking and his answering. Then the fear metamorphosizes into second guessing the reasons why he accepts. Does he want to be with ME or is it Matthew, does he still enjoy spending time with me, what is he thinking, blah, blah, blah, ad nauseam.
It's crazy-making and I need to stop. And I am trying.
Often, to get myself to stop, I will remind myself of the fact that he is in such emotional distress he just isn't himself. His decisions regarding the future and his desires for the OW are based on his emotional turmoil. I am hoping this is true. I guess I can't know for certain if they are or they aren't.
I hate that I take comfort in the fact that the odds are against him if he does divorce me and marries the OW. But it does help me detach. I remind myself that most 29 year old women don't want a ready made family and they don't want to take care of some other woman's child. (Although I am sure there ones that would not mind.) I remind myself that OW has only lived with her parents her entire life and that once she strikes out on her own, would want to be free to enjoy life unencumbered by a child.
My focus should be on myself and my future. I know this. And I am trying. I have created a vision board to help me maintain my focus on myself.
Does anyone think that relying on the thoughts that their relationship will fail to enable myself to detach are unhealthy? Are there any pitfalls?
