Postpartum, Antidepressants, and wife lost feeling

[Steady9]

Steady, your sitch sounds like it has worked out pretty good so far with quick results. My timeline is just like yours. EA or PA in July and sept, and confronted in August. Only difference is my WW was doing active things such as new bank account, new cell phone, pretty much cut all ties with me all while I maintain our checking account and our family plan for cell phones, which I am under contract with so I pay for 2 phones and only really need to pay for one. I believe she still has contact with the OM but have no way of knowing. The OM and her do still anger me because it just seems pointless other than destroying our relationship and marriage. We still live together but sleep in separate rooms, which is getting pretty old. I probably can't afford our lifestyle and kids without 2 incomes and neither can she at this moment. Since i confronted her about the EA, she has had 2 vehicle accidents and busted 3 tires on 2 separate occasions. She just seems as if she is spiraling.

MLH-- hmmm--once I was able to know for sure about A (hearing a phone call) then it was easier for me to detach and let her go. I waited 5 days to say anything. This allowed me to stay calm and deliver the "Everyone is free to make there own choices and I am letting you go to do that" speech....I did not confront about A at that time. Another 5 days or so went by and my W was starting to show more attention to me (I did not have sex with her or anything during that time... maybe a kiss on the forehead... ) after another 5 days... the inquires I made to her recent trip to her hometown.. she could probably tell that I somehow found out... And then by the time I let her know, it was a light hearted conversation... I simply said "I now about --OM name'--" She said she could tell by then I must know.. and wondered who told me. She had no idea that I could be inquisitive enough and pay attention to what she was doing. (she thought I was too busy with my work life and did not care enough to pay attention to it....like her turning her location services off on her phone...) duh.... Most my W thought I would never find out due to the 3,000 miles away ....

My W did not want to lose me and I do not think she wanted the OM for long term... So I was lucky. I did have to let her know directly that I was letting her go... and with my tone, she could tell I was serious ....(not yelling just a calm direct tone) So when she knew I was serious--I asked her to read about infidelity and she did, I asked her to write a note to me about what was important in a R and she did, I asked her to cut contact with OM and she did and I asked her to give me access to her electronics and she did and she cancelled her FB account on her own.... I do think I was lucky compared to others on this forum. I do think it was important to clearly let her know I was letting her go...I did not use the divorce word.

In my case, my W thought I had no idea of A and OM... so when I confronter her, it only took her a couple of days to act more like a kid that got in trouble. She went from being kind of a jerk and posturing with me over things... for example, give me the silent treatment for something, to being the nicest person in the world ... so far it has been 50 days... of great stuff.

I thought we would split up and I am still not sure where we will land. (I have to overcome some things, like the I had a fantasy R with my W and now I know she is like this, and I was living in a dream....uhg) Ok probably we will work out.... but my work is not done.