This insane attachment/attraction to Harley Q really makes my head spin. I can not explain it...not in the least. Maybe I am really just projecting onto her and using her as a shield.
It's funny how time brings out the best memories and we tend to forget the bad things. A friend suggested that I overlooked her crazy tendencies and focused on the good stuff - and maybe that those crazy tendencies are what really drove me to my ex in the first place. I do remember at the time I didn't think that, but maybe deep down I did subconsciously.
Harley was like no other. Whereas my ex was more gentle and loving, Harley was tough as nails - but yet gentle at the same time. Don't get me wrong, she is downright beautiful has such a sing-song voice that could charm a cobra, and she hid her toughness very, very well - but it came out at times.
Unlike others in my life, Harley Q pushed me in ways no one else had - mentally, to better myself, physically (no, not sex wise but well maybe, but working out), etc. I remember the time we did a team mountain bike race. She was in phenomenal shape and really pushed me beyond my limits. Good times. Maybe part of me misses that, too. Sure, my ex pushed me to better myself, but she really didn't put all that much effort into it.
I'm really on the fence about cancelling the trip and just putting her back in her box where she belongs. After all, some boxes are meant to never be re-opened. Maybe it should really be treated as old friends having a beer. Maybe a beer with benefits
Sigh. She paid all that money for the tickets and wanted to come see me. I can't break her heart again. It's not me or who I am.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
