Moved out, working on GAL

[fightin]

I don't think it is going to work out; I keep finding out more and none of it says "this will work out". Last night I found out that when we told my SS about our split and she took him outside to talk to him away from me she told him this is something she regrets not doing long ago. Well I thought she meant leaving me, but apparently she meant being with the OW so I guess it has been going on much longer than I was told.

Also, when we text the other she still said she is going to file, just after Christmas when money isn't as tight. Well, she's about to get hit with a custody case that she probably won't win. She's violated their divorce decree by having the OW around her S and now she's even being openly affectionate with OW right in front of him. While that will make things even tighter and could buy me even more time, it also could leave me holding the bag for all the debt we have that she agreed to take in the D. So if I don't go ahead and file and get her to agree on paper to take the debt and we don't get D for a while then she could default on it and I'd be held responsible. So now I'm considering speeding up the process to protect myself financially.

Besides that, the more I learn about how she's treated other people the less I like her, and the more I think back on our time together the more I think this might be a blessing in disguise. I still wake up wondering how this became my life, and I still miss the woman I loved, but day by day I take a look at what I'll be missing out on and what I'm gaining by D and the positives outweigh the negatives. Maybe I was more in love with the ideal I set for us than I was in love with the person she is.

Glad you are able to get some space and buy some time! That has to help some?
Mine gets worse everyday. No signs of regrets or change of heart

Stay strong and maybe it will work out!

I'm sorry that yours just gets worse. I think it gets worse before it gets better not that that helps us feel better in the moment of despair. Same to you, bsb, stay strong and remember that no matter how our stories end, it WILL all work out. Maybe not like we had hoped for, but we will better for it in the end no matter what!

Also, keep in mind that our spouses could (and do often) change their minds at any time. While my W has rewritten our history together, and said all sorts of things about how we never should have been together and how if we get a D there is never any going back, we also had talks where she then said even if we do get a D that doesn't mean that months or years from now our paths might cross and we might fall in love all over again.

I don't believe that she knows what she really wants. I think she's just operating in the now and her fun and happy feelings she's experiencing with OW and that's all she can see right now especially since she seems either oblivious to how my her S is hurting. If this R with OW were to ever end she might suddenly be hit with new feelings of regret, but she also might not, I can't mind read and I can't know the future.

Again, even if she said tomorrow she wanted me back I'm not sure I want to go back. She has cheated (at least EAs) in every MR, and I'm her 3rd MR. I think she has a lot of growing up to do before she can be a good partner. Maybe this OW will be the one for her and she will grow up, but if not and she came back why would I want someone that can't function in a MR? This was my 2nd MR, but I had a LTR before her that was basically a MR. That R and this one ended because of an OW entered the picture.

The difference between us is that I finally learned that love is more often a choice and set of actions than it is about good feelings and I was 100% to this MR. I hope someday she learns that too even if we're never together again. I want her to not only be happy, but I know that if she doesn't learn this she will continue to leave a trail of deeply hurt people. She's always the one to leave, she's never been left. Until she figures this out I believe she will never have peace in a R and will always feel restless, but soon that will no longer be anything for me to worry about.