Phoebe, nearly a year on, still a work in progress

[Phoebe]

Hi everyone! I hate to consider how many threads have come before this one, but let's just say it's been... more than a few.

Here was my most recent:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2719127&page=1

In less than two weeks, it will be a year since my new life began. I am still working on making the best of it. I'm not going to pretend that I am all better, that I am happily settled, that life is all flowers and rainbows. Even nearly a year into this process, when I am much, much better by any metric, it's still just hard sometimes.

So here it is, Christmas-time, and some tough memories have been intruding into my thoughts lately. STBXH ran away from home on the night before our 20th wedding anniversary, which also happens to be 6 days before Christmas. I spent 6 days, terrified beause I didn't know where he was, and ended up spending Christmas Eve in urgent care because I just couldn't hold it together any more. Christmas Day I got an email (!!!) telling me he wanted to live apart for a while, and then the whole mess just proceeded to go downhill from there over the next few months as more and more things came to light.

But it all started at Christmas-time, and it's been thought-provoking these last few days, to say the least.

This year, I am doing my best to go about my holiday season, being hit by all kinds of reminders. I was struggling a bit, so I decided to just dig in extra deep this season and do my darnedest to make the season my own again.

A couple days ago I bought not one, but THREE poinsettias, a Christmas tree, two wreaths (one for the front door and one for my Chicken coop!), outdoor lights for my two chicken coops, AND a Peace Lily!!! I've even been listening to eclectic Christmas music (stuff I've never heard before, so no memories - yeah!!!) all day today. I've been drinking Christmas teas, and

Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year, and I am digging in deep to find some of the joy that so eluded me last year. It's going to have to be a homemade Christmas, as all of my assets, beyond my weekly support payments, are frozen by the courts. I love to bake, and I have a few baked goods that have sort of become my signature gifts over the years. This year they will be all I have to give. That will be kind of strange because I usually go a bit overboard on gifts.

Time for this Christmas reveler to hit the hay. Tomorrow is another day. Good night!

Hello to Painter and Vanilla and SH and Sotto, and Cherry, and Grl, and Blu, and JimKao, and anyone else who has ever checked in on me.

I wish everyone a winter season of peace and healing.