Thanks guys for the advice. Yes I am a fixer. Yes I am still trying to detach while still seeing her daily and also having to talk daily about work.
I honestly understand the need to detach emotionally from her. I am trying. I am doing things more for myself all the while trying to figure out how I am going to continue living a lifestyle that I have become accustomed to with my kids.
I am relearning what it means to be a single guy...yet I was only a single adult for a couple of years and that was 25 years ago. Much has changed in the world. It is exciting and scary at the same time.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
What Cali said... Most of us schmoes giving you advice here did the exact same thing we see you attempting. So if my advice could help you shave a couple of day off of my time, that would be awesome.
If you are following other threads, you will soon realize that being a fixer is a common trait around here. Sometimes I think if I was more of a bully towards W, things might be different.
All I know is that it seems like we are all going thru the same thing at different stages. It is difficult to explain what we are going thru to others that have no clue. I totally appreciate all of the support. It is totally welcomed whether it is the form of a nice suggestion or in the form of a 2x4.
Originally Posted By: Vapo
Sometimes I think if I was more of a bully towards W, things might be different.
Ah, cheesless tunnels...
What does being a bully mean?
I'm having to tell my W that Christmas will be slim for the next couple of years...she has this idea that nothing has changed. We had always agreed on Christmas shopping because she was the one that did all of the shopping. Seems that she is still wanting to share the responsibility of joint gift giving. She was kind of offended when I suggested that she buy gifts for the kids from her and I can do gifts from me. I don't like to rock the boat, but didn't she decide to leave the family unit?
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
She should not be allowed to pick and choose what parts of being a family she gets to have. She ended the family and everything that goes with it. This is a boat you should rock IMO.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Do you want to love on eggshells? I'm getting the impression that may have been what you have done for most of your M? Walk on eggshells and let her steer the ship?
I will admit that there have been alot in the last 20 years that I have just let her choose. I'm not sure that it was to not rock the boat, there was just nothing that important. My W and I have been best friends and have always had the same opinion about most everything. We have similar tastes on clothing, furniture and life in general.
The only eggshells were when it came to intimacy...ever. Our differences were great, but workable. Everything else in our life was, as far as I can tell, running smoothly.
As for Christmas, she has always been the one that was jacked and excited about shopping and decorating for the holidays. She was the one that pulled the family together for that. Now she is separating my life from hers and yet she still wants to do joint Christmas. I don't know why it is so important to her to keep things together in that manner.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Sometimes I think if I was more of a bully towards W, things might be different.
Ah, cheesless tunnels...
What does being a bully mean?
I'm having to tell my W that Christmas will be slim for the next couple of years...she has this idea that nothing has changed. We had always agreed on Christmas shopping because she was the one that did all of the shopping. Seems that she is still wanting to share the responsibility of joint gift giving. She was kind of offended when I suggested that she buy gifts for the kids from her and I can do gifts from me. I don't like to rock the boat, but didn't she decide to leave the family unit?
Nah, I was thinking more in the line of some husbands, that lay down the law beforehand that there are lines that are not to be crossed. I always thought of them as bullies, but they are happily married now and we are the poor saps.
As for Christmas, she has always been the one that was jacked and excited about shopping and decorating for the holidays. She was the one that pulled the family together for that. Now she is separating my life from hers and yet she still wants to do joint Christmas. I don't know why it is so important to her to keep things together in that manner.
Oh, this is an easy one... She wants nothing to change, except her having her happy time. So she'd be frolicking around one day, and in the next day she'd have an instant family. That way she'd have all her needs met.
Nah, I was thinking more in the line of some husbands, that lay down the law beforehand that there are lines that are not to be crossed. I always thought of them as bullies, but they are happily married now and we are the poor saps.
I guess I don't disagree totally...maybe if there was a bit of dissension in the ranks then there might have been more excitement...RIGHT? Hindsight is 20/20 and we cannot go back...just forward. I am telling myself that daily so maybe one day it will stick.
I think that things are getting easier every day, but I'm not sure what that means. Occasionally things set me off, but I am able to calm down and make myself relax. It is people like you guys that help me keep my feet moving. THX
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Oh, this is an easy one... She wants nothing to change, except her having her happy time. So she'd be frolicking around one day, and in the next day she'd have an instant family. That way she'd have all her needs met.
So she wants us to remain constant so that we are exactly where she left us...I guess that is why they sometimes wake up when they see their LBS totally let go and move forward.
I am still dumbfounded by the fact that "they" are so confused about what they want out of life or from us. We saw things as pretty darn rosy, but they only saw something missing. They have totally blocked out all of the love and laughter that we shared for so long and are only focusing on selfish needs.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
