I see/hear this a lot from the WWs -- that if only you'd gotten "it" sooner, and started making the changes you're now making, it all would have been fine, and you'd still be happily married. This is hot garbage. It is their way of making everything your fault.
Very well said, sir. Mine did the same thing..."if only you had done this or done that." Classic redirection away from themselves and their own guilt.
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Your task is to figure out the things you want to change -- because they'll pop back up and ruin any future R if you don't -- and change them, with no regard for what they'll do for your current R. That's the hardest part -- not doing it "for" her but for yourself, but that distinction is key.
I like this. Truth in every word. If you don't get your own misgivings worked out, they dang sure will pop their head back up at any time.
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And I say that as someone who has struggled as much as anyone to detach, mostly failing to date.
Raises hand...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
