Hello...can you hear me?

[Maybell]

GB, I'm so happy you've found someone who's working well in your life.

I don't know if you followed my thread in the early days I was with My Guy, but I felt just the same as you. I did not act like my best self. I'm so fortunate he was able to see good qualities in me anyway and persevered.

For me, the anxieties didn't start to dissipate until just a couple of months ago (we've been dating a year now). It wasn't' the time that made the difference in my comfort in the relationship, it was a couple of things that occurred and how he and I navigated them. We had a big fight over something in which he was objectively wrong, and I handled it poorly. I was going to just hide from the argument but he insisted we work through it -- and then he showed me that he had the skills to help us both get where we needed to be. After that I felt a lot more secure in the relationship and how I've conducted myself in my whole life has changed. That's made things progress in the relationship a lot better.

I'm not going to bop you over the head. It takes a lot of courage to try again after the things that have happened to us! Give yourself credit for that and try if you can to remember that he is not the same guy as your ex. He will have complaints and they will be different than your ex's complaints. Some of the things your ex criticized your new guy might see as strengths. And you also, when you feel more comfortable, will have complaints and reservations. Which you are absolutely entitled to, no matter how much ironing he does.

The best thing you can be is yourself. That's the person he will have to live with for as long as you are together. Of course you want to be your best self, but you have to be authentic. There's going to come a day when he will be raging mad at you, or you will be raging mad at him, and that will scare the daylights out of you. Try to welcome it when it happens, because how you both cope with that day will determine a lot.

Last thing -- even if he has the same complaints as your ex, that DOES NOT mean those complaints are valid, or that they diminish your value as a person. It just means those things are hard for him to adapt to. If they end up being dealbreakers FOR HIM, that STILL does not speak to your lovableness. Dating is a process of determining how well two people relate to each other, not a way of determining your worth.

My Guy has helped me be better at most of my relationships. He's helped me learn to be more like the person I want to be. If your guy does that for you, then you're on the right track. It's scary but however it turns out it will be OK.

((((Georgiabelle))))