You've been given some great advice...I know that you've stated that your wife is stubborn and won't budge on the Christmas issue, but it needs to be resolved. Is there any way that you can meet up w/her for coffee or something and talk to her about it? Point out that you are off for several weeks and would like to spend at least a portion of the holiday w/your children. Speak to her in a calm and even voice and look her in the eye when you do so. If you get emotional, then that's it...she'll pull away and tune you out completely.
If you don't have a visitation schedule in place, now is the time to have one legally drawn up. Focus on the here and now and let the future holidays unfold once a schedule is set up.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
