Are you lashing out about her coming to get her belongings because she wants to take the kids to her parents at Christmas? If so, may I make a suggestion? Why not wait until after the holidays and then advise her to come get the rest of her stuff? If you do this now, it looks like you are retaliating because of what she wants to do. Don't play her game on this...wait until after Christmas and then advise her that she has until a certain time to pick her stuff up or you'll be packing it up and either placing it in a storage facility for her to pay the monthly rate or donating the stuff to charity.
Don't give her negative attention right now. Try to say calm about all of this. I know you are angry and I understand how you feel, but don't let this woman see you sweat!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
