Waywards do come back. First step: LET GO

[BluWave]

So I wrote a post yesterday about how I saw XOW and then I didn't post it. Why? Well because she really has little affect on me and my life now, so why even give her any energy at all? I like where I am at with this. She's truly pitiful and I have less anger and more feel sorry for her in some ways.

So let me tell you what I am grateful for. Now that I have taken my energy and focus off of toxic people and off of analyzing how the piecing process is going, I have freed up more space. I know it sounds cheesy but I do believe we only have so much energy and time in our lives and the more we give to one thing, the less we have to give to another.

I have made several wonderful friendships in the last couple years; I am so grateful to have these people in my life. I have been enjoying my time with them and making new traditions.

Getting ready for the holidays. Not much new to report. Work is good. Kiddos are thriving. New family members and lost someone dear to us. Such is life. I think overall I just feel better in general.

I can see how DB has paid off in other areas of my life. I feel more patience with myself and others. I realize I used to have a lot of anxiety about several things--situations, finances, etc--and that slowly facing them allows me to overcome them. More so than facing anxieties, but to know that whatever the outcome may be, things will be okay. It all happens in baby steps.

I think part of my progress is due to giving up control. I was very controlling in my M and with my family. I made the decisions because it came naturally for me, I had stronger opinions, and because my family looked to me to do it. Well, I am realizing that others need control too, even if they don't want it or think they can't handle it. I now let H and kids weigh in more and go with the flow. It's important that they feel capable and understood, even if it isn't the best way IMO.

Sometimes things take a little bit longer, or cost more, or don't work out, etc, etc. The old me would bend over backwards to make sure everything was done effectively, cost efficiently, and in ways that made sense to me. Now I've learned that it was coming at expense of the feelings and confidence of my H and kids.

I wasn't inconsiderate or selfish, we just had our different roles, and I didn't see outside of this. I like to think of this as another silver lining in my sitch. The more silver linings I can find, the more my life feels decorated and beautiful.

Blu