(((Sara))) I have noticed that you are very hard on yourself. It takes one to know one :-) I imagine this has served you well and behind it is the motivation that has led to your success. In the hard times tho, it must be torturous. So there is pain and thus the anger. On top of that you are hard on yourself for how you are handling it and stuck in a negative loop.

Your H has caused so much of this hurt. Perhaps instead of trying to control the anger, find outlets to let it out that make you feel good. Meaning, instead of DBing (which you have already mastered) think about how you express the anger that makes YOU feel good about it or proud, with zero consideration to what he will think. Can you do that? Maybe it's a new 180 for you?

I think the DB process and monitoring if it's working just adds more pressure to you and keeps him in control. Just my thoughts.

I can get fired up easliy and also express my anger in ways that I later regret. I am most proud when I can keep my poker face on, exit a situation, give myself time before responding, and then in a simple and matter of fact way tell the person how I feel in as few words as possible, and with little emotion in it. It's so hard for me to do, but when I can, I feel sooo good about myself. I try and remember that feeling of accomplishment.

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela