Life is kicking my butt

[qt4x11]

I guess was 'reducing my success'. I didn't mean to. I am very grateful to have some terrific opportunities thrown my way. I think a year ago I would have kissed the ground with joy. I think it's just tougher for me to appreciate things right now with all the stuff going on in my life, I feel like all of the bs of the divorce [censored] away or distracts from any good things that happen, which are already few and far between. Like today, I hit some career milestones. In the back of my mind I am thinking: oh man, I have court ordered mediation tomorrow. Damn. We just got screwed on our equity with the house sale. Oh damn, we have a court date on Wed.

I just want this to be over. At this point I don't know how we'd ever reconcile given everything that's happened. I don't think my ex wife gives a damn about me other than to collect as much child support as she can. And I don't know how I could ever get back together with my wife given she's put me through the ringer for the past 8 months.

At this point I would just be satisfied with a decent amount of time with my kids, a fair amount of child support and alimony that I know I have to pay. I'd be happy to never speak to her again aside from on TalkingParents about the kids. I just want to go to work, exercise, eat right, take care of myself. Start building my finances up again. Fix up my apartment the way I want it. Make it a comfortable place where I can learn how to live on my own, get some work done, and stabilize my life again. Have my kids over half the time, do homework with them, play games with them, take them out to eat.

I don't want to worry about lawyers or court dates or legal bills. I just want some peace and to be left alone.