Life is kicking my butt

[qt4x11]

Last few days have been just a whirlwind. I spent a lot of time over the weekend unpacking. On Sunday I spent the day with my kids for the first time in a long time. We were all really happy to see each other. I took them to a friends birthday party and then later ok I took them back to my new apartment. We ordered food and spent the rest of the night talking, snuggling in bed and playing video games. I'm really glad l live close to them now.

Still mildly depressed about the divorce, I'm still doing a lot better than I have been, but I still have some freak outs throughout the day over unexpected things that happen. For instance today, the guy who is buying our old house was complaining because there was a warp in the floorboards, now we get less money back in equity because they want money back for the floors. I feel like this was my fault because when I left the house I called com ed and turned off the power. The freezer defrosted and I guess started leaking. Probably my ex wife is blaming me for this f*** up. I've been beating myself up about it all day.

On the other hand I got not one but two job offers and spent the day on the phone with recruiters in kind of a bidding war. The bidding war is actually still going on but worse comes to worse, I basically just got myself a promotion and a $40000 raise. That's insane to me. I would have been satisfied with my old job making far less if I wasn't pushed by circumstance into this position.

I'm sitting here right now at a sandwich shop, and it occurs to me I just accomplished most of my major career ambitions. I tried calling my brother and a friend, no one answered. For some reason I want to call my ex wife and say something crazy like

Please don't leave I just got a job making multiple six figures.

I won't do that, they're just crazy thoughts rushing through my head. No one to talk to. Im thinking tomorrow we have our final mediation and a court date on Wed. Im still pushing through. Trying to appreciate the massive blessing that are appearing in my life and be positive. I just accomplished basically all the admittedly modest career ambitions I've ever had. I have thought about this day ever since I graduated from college, I never thought I'd spend it alone with no one to talk to.