Roist - I read along but don't post mostly because yours seems like a slow grind situation.
However, after reading one of your more recent posts where you mentioned knowing things you would try in other sitches, I decided to make a suggestion.
Perhaps it's time to try some different things. Couch time seems stale. In fact, from what you write "home time" is stagnant altogether. Why not come up with something you want to do (a movie, a hike, a museum exhibit, take a day road trip, etc.) and casually invite your w along. If she says no, go and enjoy! If she says yes, bonus. (Nothing romantic; just something that interests you).
Even as crazy as my h is, we always interact better out of the home.
Just an idea . . .
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
