Oh Bttrfly, thank you for the kind words of encouragement.
I think I am at a place where I just have to deal with the reality of the fact that my marriage is over. It's done. He loves this OW and there isn't anything I can do about it.
It's really hard to understand how someone could do what he has done. I feel like I deserve to know why my life blew up. How could someone go through four rounds of IVF and two egg donors to have a child only to be having an affair the entire time?
My focus should be shifting away from trying to get answers to those types of questions. I should be asking why I married a man who could never stand up for me and who, at least by my standards, never made me a priority. I always felt like I was imposing on him. Perhaps I am too needy? Perhaps he is too selfish?
If it weren't for my son, I would have walked away a long time ago. I tried for my son, not for my husband. Perhaps that is a reason why I am failing. When I take my son out of the equation, and I think about what I would do and how I would feel if he weren't here, it seems so very simple.
That's not to say that I don't have issues or that I didn't contribute my 50% to the issues in the marriage. I know that I did.
I have a very long road ahead of me. I wish I could look forward to the ride. My God this is going to be hard.
