Moved out, working on GAL

[fightin]

Today seems to be one of those "I miss my W" days, but the odd thing about it is that it is very clear to me that I'm not really missing her, but just mourning the loss of the woman I once loved and the future I thought we had together. The more time that passes, the more I see the faults in our MR and in each other as individuals, and the more detached I feel from the whole thing. She's just become more like someone I used to know and someone I no longer like. If I look at a photo of her then her face seems unfamiliar and seeing a photo of us together doesn't cause me to shed even one tear.

Could I ever trust her again? Do I truly feel like we could ever be good together again or was that just some ideal I used to hold about us? None of these questions even matter as she shows no sign of ever wanting to reconcile, but I do ask myself these questions. Maybe I ask them to help me really look at it and see that I'm better off, or maybe because I have hope. I'm honestly not sure what I could possibly have any hope for at this point. Could I ever bring myself to put my heart in the hands of anyone again, especially hers? Right now the answer is a firm "no".

I realize I'm not completely detached as I do sometimes still break down and wish for hope, but I feel I'm getting there. I'm getting impatient for her to file for D because I just want it all over with and to never have to see even her name again, but I believe that is just the anger speaking.