You can try hiking, it helped me heaps. You can go into the mountains or on a trail and find a nice peaceful secluded spot and you can yell and scream and get it out of your system. It does not make you any less of a man if you cried. It took me 6 months after BD to start to feel better and then another 6 months so I could say I'm pretty much OK. I am 2 years and some months post BD and I am OK mostly. I still get the occasional blue minute, but it vanishes soon. I do have to say, that the whole experience made me grow heaps and I am much happier with myself now than I was in the past (pre BD). If you asked me now if I would trade my new found self if I got my W back, I would reject the offer in a heartbit. I am a much better man, a much better father and a much better person all together because of the whole crisis thing.
You need to get out of the house, do not spent your days cooped inside with memories. Box her stuff and pictures of her and put them out of sight. Join a gym or go hiking, you have to get the demons out. Get your ass in shape, you really need to feel good bout yourself. Get some new clothes, maybe a new haircut, change the cologne and aftershave.
And most importantly, stay away from women of the opposite sex. You are nowhere near ready to date (or will be any time soon).
I made her take all the pictures and things of us when she moved out. There isn't anything of us left... I get to work this morning and have a email that states to gather a list of assets before we were married and after from her dad! He is handling all her financial matters now since she doesn't know how. I don't know if I should or not. I still haven't received any notice of her filing??
IDK, my feeling is you owe FIL nothing. He is not your W or her L and not entitled to any information about you whatsoever. It's none of his business. Let him know in a tactful positive manner.
maybe something like:
"I appreciate your interest and concern but this is between me and W".
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
WOW, that's harsh. It does sound to me that there is going to be a problem at the workplace. No matter how your FIL feels about you, you do have to remember that blood is thicker than water. FIL will ALWAYS take his D's side over your, no matter how fond he was/is of you. I would look for an alternative workplace. I just cannot see this working out well for you. I mean in a normal situation you would probably politely say to your FIL to mind his own business, but you can not tell your boss the same.
I made her take all the pictures and things of us when she moved out. There isn't anything of us left... I get to work this morning and have a email that states to gather a list of assets before we were married and after from her dad! He is handling all her financial matters now since she doesn't know how. I don't know if I should or not. I still haven't received any notice of her filing??
You don't have to provide him with squat, nor should you.
Remember, don't help the D move along over nonsense like this from FIL. If W wants to D she has to do the work to get it done and not leave it to others, like FIL. It may not even be her idea, but his. You owe him as much information about your financial business as the guy sitting next to you at McDonald's. If your W wants it she knows how to reach you.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
It's just one more thing adding up for her moving foward with everything. That is what hit me. She's not going to slow down till it's completely over. Counseling helped some this morning but I'm feeling stressed and sick to my stomach right now.
Had a long day and night. Couldn't sleep at all last night. My mind keeps wondering. Had a long talk with FIL. Things are good with him, he's trying to make her understand that she she can't try to take things from me. I do believe him. He reassured me that Thy are not for this but they are making it too easy in her. She tells them she wants the divorce but I know that's typical. Still no word if she has filed and haven't had any contact from her. Her mom says she's doing fine but I'm hearing otherwise from what her dad is telling people. Apparently she's having a really hard time but still wants to go through with it. As strange as this is, I feel bad that she is hurting and wish I could take the pain away. Is that crazy???
How do I get past the point of missing her?? I sometimes start getting angery that she's doing this after such a short time but then I just go back to being sad.
GAL activities are important for many reasons. One is to focus your attention of something other than your W and this situation. GAL like crazy, it helps a lot.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
Her mom says she's doing fine but I'm hearing otherwise from what her dad is telling people. Apparently she's having a really hard time but still wants to go through with it. As strange as this is, I feel bad that she is hurting and wish I could take the pain away. Is that crazy???
Yes, but also perfectly normal. You are going through withdrawal yourself. You cannot take her pain away and I do believe her pain truly is great. I know what I am talking about, but you are a classic fixer. Look it up.
Originally Posted By: bsb
How do I get past the point of missing her?? I sometimes start getting angery that she's doing this after such a short time but then I just go back to being sad.
Time. And self care. And then more time. You have to deny yourself down time, because this is when your mind starts racing. You have to purge your body. And be kind to yourself. It is not unlike giving up smoking or drugs. You are going through psychological withdrawal. Anger is also very normal and very necessary. DO NOT DENY YOURSELF ANGER. Sometimes it helps if you take a bat to a trash can. I myself have a boxing bag that takes a punishment...
