In an emergency, I'm sure that someone in the community would be more than happy to take care of the kids for you. Don't rule people out because you don't know what they will and can do to help a fellow neighbor. Don't be afraid to ask for help. In today's world, people do not always step up to the plate, but when you ask, they are more than willing to help out. Some people are hesitant to offer help because they don't know how the other person will react to their offer.
As for the church...look to the fellow church members and seek help there as well. I'm sure the members would be more than willing to help you if they knew that you needed assistance. Again, learn to ask for help and don't allow your pride to get in the way. This is the season that many people are more giving of themselves and now is the time to discuss your situation w/your priest/minister or rabbi. They are there for you when things seem bleak.
I can understand how you feel about his family, but the anger towards them will not help your situation. In fact, it will eat at you and create health issues. I know this is going to be a tough bullet to bite, but you've have to feel sorry for them and to forgive them for their actions because they just don't know any better and that is a very sad picture that is being painted by them to others. You are the only one that can set the boundaries for you. If you don't wish to be around them as much this holiday season, then don't. But remember...your h is blind to what they do because he was raised in that environment and he's going to want to visit w/them...so suggest he go and if the kids want to go...then let them. Nothing says you have to be present at all visits/functions. Find other things to do. This is your only life, so figure out what you want to do w/it and go from there.
Even w/the situation you are in, you still have a lot to be grateful for: a home, a husband who is trying to some degree, beautiful children and you get up each day and can enjoy the day.
Learn to let that anger go, you can't control how his family behaves, but you can control the way that you react to their behavior. Go talk to your pastor/minister/rabbi. Don't be afraid to reach out to others because you will need to have a network in place for emergencies.
