Hi Roist, I read along but don't always post...I think maybe because you seem quite 'together' and reflective anyway in your postings - but I appreciate you'll also want a perspective from others.

You know, I think your kind of situation is maybe the hardest. Together, but not really together in the same home. So you are faced with the reality of the situation and need to rub along with your spouse, whilst dealing with your own feelings about them and their behaviour, and the rejection. That's not easy ((((((hugs))))))

On the flip side (unlike a sitch like mine) there are regular opportunities to interact and 'live' the changes you are making.

I think the postings from FY must be really useful as he has trodden/is treading a similar path - some differences too - but the same genre within the MLC sphere anyway.

From me, I think the main messages would be self care and independence. Try not to look closely at your W and link your moods to hers at all. I know that must be really hard, but try to release that completely, because she probably just doesn't have that to offer right now.

And finally, please don't feel trapped in a situation that you are unhappy with in the longer term. I'm never going to encourage someone to give up on their M and that's not what I'm saying. I'm only reminding you that there are two of you in this marriage and you each have an equal vote. Only you know whether and for how long you will choose to remain in the current situation and that is always up to you, and you have plenty of power to make personal choices within the constraints of the current circumstances.

I hope this helps a little Roist and take care xx

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus