WAS or what 9

[roist]

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WAS or what 8

Starting a new thread as previous one is full.

I read other peoples threads here and I know what I would do in their situation. Or at least I am fairly sure. No one has walked in another's shoes so maybe things are less straightforward than our snapshot sees.

For my own situation I have not got the same clarity. Sometimes I do. Other times I don't have a clue.

Maybe I am having my own mlc. Great that the two of us can get that over with simultaneously!! Maybe I am slipping back to depression. Idk. I don't feel depressed as I am focusing on a better future. When depressed I saw no future. At all!

I have a W who is willing maybe even wanting to spend time with me and at the moment I cannot stand passing time with her. I am getting angry sitting next to her on the couch. Really mad angry. I think this anger is more so at me than her.


Reflecting back I have noticed my W has recently ever so slightly changed her position on the couch and her elbow slightly blocks me being comfortable next to her. I think subconsciously I put up with couch time together because there wasa minimum level of closeness.I knew this "closeness" was fake but still felt like rejection to me, a feeling I had many times with my W. I will explore my relationship with rejection.

Rejection is not the full cause of my anger but surely contributes. Maybe it is also the downfall of one of the last few remaining threads keeping us together.
Again idk.

Maybe I am approaching LRT, though not as a technique.

At the end of my last thread FY asked some good questions. A short answer is no I am not happy or excited by the life I live, though motivated by it's potential. I am not interested in trying to be more interesting/exciting to W.


I am not done. I am not walking away. I am not happy living AS IF. It is time for change. I will get though this. I still love and want to be with my W but not like this. I will bounce back. I will be awesome. Life will be good. Regardless of the tone of everything else I wrote, this paragraph outlines what I am sure about. It will be my focus as I vamp up my actions going forward.

I am in need of guidance.

Can I ask a question of those who read my posts but don't post, why is that? I read many without posting so I am not critical, just curious.

Best wishes. I gotta go work.