Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 7

[Surfer]

Hey Sara,

Vanilla has a different take on this sort of stuff to me. But I really like reading her view points in particular about anger.

I think my primary emotions are happiness and fear. Perhaps that's when I read about anger it is alien to me. Your H might not identify with anger - IDK at all, just presuming.

I know this, my W would rage and rage. She did today (see thread), I could just see a monster. Saying and doing things that only a monster would say or do. That brought fear for me. "Who is this, what is this thing"? Totally had no idea. I handle it differently now.You see whilst my W still struggles occasionally with her Anger, I have learned to deal with it. It's an issue that you both need to deal with. The person with Anger needs to recognise triggers and change the 'habit' (and it is a habit), by replacing it with another way, and the spouse needs to be careful to avoid the triggers - but if the angry spouse is being unreasonable use validation and boundaries to protect themselves (and their children).

Just me thoughts. IDK if I am right. It's just what I have observed and how I have dealt with it so far.

The self care thing is important. Did you not use to run I seem to recall? This really helps with anger.

BTW, the 12 month thing. I love the goal setting but I am not sure it works that way. Trying to end the pain with a goal is a bit 'lofty' IMHO. You will be 'done' only when you are done. No clock will predict that point in time - if you ever reach it. My advice is don't consciously give up. Instead detach consciously. We all struggle with detachment the most - out of all the techniques. We all spin at times. You have been spinning. Focus on calming your mind and GAL for now. As Vanilla says, perhaps you need some self care - something to recharge you.

Surfer.