Maybe one day, we could actually be in touch? I don't hope for reconciliation - but maybe to lay to rest this period in our lives and the ending of our marriage? Perhaps that can happen, but not in the short term. Generally, I'm doing fine and my life is full, with friends and family around, money in the bank, a cosy home and a job I enjoy. Really, I am blessed. But sometimes my mind still turns to this - the unhealed rift in my life - I don't want to have it there....and I don't see much of a choice at this point.
Sotto, my situation had elements of yours (although he also did the trying to get back together so I had BD 2 in the mix as well)
Anyway for the first period there was virtually no contact and OW etc etc. And for a long, very long long, I felt as you do. I had invested the majority of my life with this man, and I longed to know what had happened to cause him to change towards me. And lay it all to rest.
It has taken a very long time and recently I had the offer of just that - xh saying 'sorry' and wanting to spend time with me, talk things through etc.
At that point I realised that I had changed. Without being aware of it I had given myself closure - finally realised it wasn't me, it was him, and that my life is mine to live.
Why would I want to spend time with someone who had treated me so badly - this isn't victim mode, but the sober truth.
Although he now tells me his behaviour was awful, I see no sign that he has done any significant work on himself, and the disparity between us is huge. It isn't just the distance of time and events, but of the changes that I have made. I feel like a proper grown up person.
When my xh left me and then divorced me he made choices, and I found that I can make choices too that are best for me.
Bad events create their own memories, and I wonder if seeing someone who really hurt us later in life doesn't just stir them up again (not talking about childhood issues, these are a little different)
What I am saying is that maybe by the time he offers it (if he does) you will discover it is no longer what you want. I thought I did want and need it, but actually I don't.
I don't hate my xh, if anything I am sorry for him. He has screwed up his life. However, I feel he has learned little that really matters from all of this, and that further contact is pointless.
Any family events we both need to be at will be OK, but I wouldn't want to spend more time with him.
