Vey detached, no longer anxious, in limbo

[Phoebe]

Hi, Miss V!!! No specific Christmas plans yet, at all. I assume I'll spend it with my parents. We're all financial strapped this year, so we've pretty much decided that we''ll just have to exchange glances!

I am two weeks away from the anniversary of one of the best days in my life (my wedding), and also the worst day of my life (the day WH ran away, never to return). I go out to run a few errands in the land of Christmas countdowns and can end up feeling just plain overwhelmed. i see poinsettias all over the place and love them, yet am reminded that they were on my wedding invitations, and then also of the beautiful plant I bought to decorate our home for the holidays last year, only to have it end up living in my bathtub for months instead because there was simply no joy in Whoville last Christmas. I remember buying a Christmas tree with WAWH, then he was gone a few short days later. I was going to buy a tree today, and then just couldn't quite face it yet.

I have no extra money with which to buy gifts, given that the courts have limited me to my weekly "allowance" from StBXWH. Then I am remIndeed that WH, who told me that he was out running Christmas errands/shopping while he was at our other home last year, didn't buy me a single gift. His semi-spontaneous exit was planned enough to save him that effort. I made him hand-sewn gifts and was still dumb enough to GIVE them to him the first time I saw him, almost 3 months later.

This has always been my favorite time of the year, and now it is also a time of difficulty.

I'm thinking that I just going to bite the billet and go all in for the holidays. Reclaim them for my own. Go all "hair of the dog" on it by digging in deeper than I do on a normal year. Buy multiple poinsettias, decorate like crazy, get my tree up soon, do what I can with what I have, where I am. Maybe even string some lights on the coop!!!???