I'm here so I don't get fined.

[trumpet]

I needed a place to talk things through and ask a few questions, so back to the DB forums I go!

I've been doing better, but D15 has not. Her mom and I took her to a doctor, and have gotten some boundaries in place for her. Counseling, hopefully weekly, is in her future. It hurts to see her making bad choices. I just don't want to see her go too far down the rabbit hole she thinks she can't come back.

OM, still married, hangs out over at old place with EX-WW and kids. They plan on getting a tree together, like we used to, on Sunday. Yes, that hurts. Can't do a thing about it. Moving on...

Finally took the courage to ask a single woman my age at church to coffee. We really hit it off, and want to meet up again soon. I've learned that between the limited time in each of our schedules, we'll find a day or two in the next month. Maybe dinner? Who knows. Just happy to have someone that wants to be with me...

And that is my lead-up to my question. For those who have moved on, I'm struggling with a few things. #1)I placed at least 50% of the blame of our D on my porn addiction, but as time goes by, I'm constantly remembering the hundreds of times I was turned down, the YEARS that went by without sex, of my wife telling me she wasn't interested in me AT ALL, and it still hurts. I turned to my addiction as a way to deal with the rejection. I'm clean and sober since Oct. 30th of last year, so working on myself, and my self image, has made all the difference. I fear her rejection of me was her unwilling to share of herself, due to being molested as a kid, having an emotionally abusive/caustic mother, having eating disorders as well as getting raped in college.

Is it normal to live in a marriage that is sexless all the way through your 30's? And have a wife telling you it's normal, that I should just get over it? To never have sex unless the lights were off, she had 3-5 drinks in her, no cuddling, and only in one position? To tell others in her mommy-groups how awful her husband was, and how much better other mommies had it? To accost me for working late, even by 10 minutes? (Yes, I worked late many nights, it was a cause of pain in the relationship)

Is this the new norm? Should I expect it out of my future spouse?

My barriers are up for future relationships, as I'm just so afraid of those feelings of rejection.

I coped with those feelings in unhealthy ways. I understand that now.

It also hurt that she purposely turned in her wedding ring within a week of D (we were still living in same house), bought huge new diamond earrings with the proceeds, and pointed to them standing right in front of me saying 'See how pretty these are? You wouldn't believe what they give you for an old beat-up ring nowadays!"

I have said some very hurtful things in anger over the last year. The biggest calling our marriage a mistake. I have to own my side of the street.

I'm just still dealing with the big wounds, the big hurts, and confusion over it all. If anyone has any help, chime in. Thanks, brothers and sisters.