I will rest the self care issue for a short while whilst I reform my thoughts on a new post.
This post to you is about anger.
Your WH is saying to you that you are angry and that you have serious anger issues. This has merit in your eyes. And you wisH to take action.
Well, lovely one, he would say that wouldn't He!
You have plenty to be angry about, truly you do. Righteous anger is a great thing.
Go ahead get angry, get it out.
WH has every right to his view, and if you are angry be angry. Get good and white angry at the things he has done. Honey, don't reign it in, lay it outo, let it out.
Not in an uncontrolled red angry way, with blooded eyes and hammer in hand. But in a my man just diD me wrong way.
I wish I had that anger, it will move you forward, motivate you.
He is entitled to his view and in my view if he thinks you have no cause, he is delusional. He is lucky you didn't hit him over the head with a frying pan whilst poking his eyes out with a red hot poker. There are some who would.
Who says that your anger should be tamed? It is your issue to handle sure, get good and mad. Use that lovely anger to motivate you to move forward. Heck plow it into self care and moving to the pain too.
You can say, I am very angry with your behaviour right now and I think I have every reason. I am going to use my anger to motivate change for myself.
Bottling this is like keeping petrol near a fire, the store gets bigger.
Most of us work from one prime emotion with a secondary one. Mine is fear tinged with sadness. Yours is likely fear tinged with anger.
Please do not be afraid to be angry, use the energy to go for a run, lift weights, paint the garage, build a chicken taj mahal, build your buisess. Direct it, use it, lovely directive white anger.
You have no control over how he sees you, if all he can say is you get angry when you have cause, that his view. You have no control over it.
Let's say your WH stated that he had the mistaken view you have blue hair (Marge).
Clearly that's a delusion or he is gaslighting you.
So what do you say?
Honey I accept that you think I have blue hair, that's your right. I allow you to have your mistaken belief that I have blue hair and it's ok you think that way. I have no control over it.
He then tells the therapist "I don't want to stay with her because she has blue hair and that's why I cheat. Blame the ugly blue hair"
You go duh! He is delusional and that isn't the true reason, he wants to be wayward and blame it on me.
You look in the mirror and suddenly you say "you know in some lights my hair does look blue, maybe I should visit a hair dresser and get this blue tinge modified. Maybe I should look at my diet, perhaps I eat too many blueberries, or is it the blue icing on that birthday cake. I know it's dye from the pillows I bought."
Now suppose you are a brunette and replace blue with brown.
Yes WH I am a brunette and I like being one, or do you go die your hair blue?
This WH has behaved very wayward lying, cheating, gaslighting, dipping his nethers in the shallow end of the pond, no regard for the health of the mother of his children, leading you to think he wanto to change when he doesn't, wanting his cake and eating it. And now doesn't like you being angry? I bet he doesnt want you to use white anger to enforce boundaries for him. It's just further control, to pretzel your emotions, the emotionsame you are allowed to have, to feel and to use in any way you so choose to push yourself forward.
There are different sorts of anger, anger is best pure without revenge or malice. Directed forcing anger. Part of the Kubler Ross cycle and however brief inevitable. It's delicious use it to propel you to action however you so choose. It's a very great gift.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
