So there is no remorse, no signs of withdrawal, and no transparency. She basically just refuses to leave, and apparently she's figured out she has no provisions apart from staying in the M legally. If you physically S, would those benefits end? That should be something you need to consider.
I seriously doubt she has ended all contact with OM. She just tells you it's over and doesn't think she should do anything to repair the MR, or to even let you look at her phone. In my book, you still have a wayward wife. Her heart has not soften b/c she has not ended her A.........or still has the OM in her head. Either way, she continues to get the benefits from you, without her commitment or responsibilities. I am not going to tell you to physically S, or not S, to end the limbo. That has to be your decision and responsibility. Think through your motivation carefully.
Before you do or say anything about a separation, you need to get legal advice to see where you would stand if you S. Don't do the "in-house" S, b/c you have been essentially living in that mode already. In-house S is terrible and more like a prison sentence, than a solution. It would solve absolutely nothing in your case. So, talk to a lawyer about protecting yourself. See if you would have to financially support her, etc.
Stop going to counseling with her, until she makes it known that she really is willing to do what is necessary to save the M. The MC is not going to fix the unwilling heart of a wayward.
I think you have looked at your situation as though her waywardness has ended and she should be ready to work on the MR. I think she is just covering her A.
If she does not work, then you pay for her cell phone, right?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
