Sotto's tootling along

[Sotto]

I haven't updated for a couple of weeks, so here we go. A bit of a trying time with garden being revamped and hassles with wrong supplies arriving and the job not being done as well as hoped. Really looking for that to be over with and reclaim my home again.

Otherwise, been doing some nice GAL and all pretty busy - Xmas plans in place and got in touch with SS today to see if he wants to get together over the festive season. I always notice some hesitation in me getting in touch. I do want to keep in touch with him, but also keeping in touch opens the door again to old hurts. Hopefully that will change in time. No news at all about XH and little news about NG - though NG and me are in touch from time to time still.

I feel ours is a funny sitch with little contact since BD, due to geographical distance, DBing and OW presence. I still struggle with this aspect from time to time and want to keep working towards closure. I appreciate I may well not get that from XH - and the times we were in touch, I didn't find what I got from him helpful anyway....I know what I really want now. I need a new family...etc...blah...

Maybe one day, we could actually be in touch? I don't hope for reconciliation - but maybe to lay to rest this period in our lives and the ending of our marriage? Perhaps that can happen, but not in the short term. Generally, I'm doing fine and my life is full, with friends and family around, money in the bank, a cosy home and a job I enjoy. Really, I am blessed. But sometimes my mind still turns to this - the unhealed rift in my life - I don't want to have it there....and I don't see much of a choice at this point.

Divorce workshop ends soon and that has been rewarding. It is good to see people who came in feeling pretty hopeless, laugh and smile again and make new friends. It has certainly been a lifesaver for me and friends in my group say the same. We were lucky to have a group that gelled too. Now, it's good to be able to use the past pain to pay it forward. It isn't comfortable to feel that kind of pain, but it does give you something to offer others at this time in their lives - shared understanding and empathy.

Anyway - that's me at this point and best wishes to you all xx