No worries on the non-responses. I just hoped you were catching on to my messages.
I'll skip over the self-care, although V has made some excellent, excellent points.
You have been riding his roller coaster. Absolutely. You do need to get off immediately. That's what detaching is. Getting off their roller coaster and not having them control our emotions. Become in charge of your own.
I have a serious suggestion for you. Stop all the self-help, marriage saving related reading. Looking in ward is great, self-improvement is great, but all of that will burn you out. You haven't given yourself the chance at all to just look at you as an individual and someone who doesn't need to change so much to get her husband to recommit to the marriage. I do think IC is great. I went for a short time after bomb drop, then I recently went back in the past year and a half (like 8 years later) and it has been a godsend. But my therapist and I agree sometimes it's just healthy to stop and appreciate who we are right now.
I would highly suggest keeping your self help to your IC and the homework they give you, but stop the MWD videos and reading and research for a while (sorry, MWD) Even stop the coaching for a while (I'm really going to get in trouble). You are just so enmeshed in it now.
Take some time to stop, smell the roses, and really just be content with who you are right now. You might find many things you love about yourself. Embrace them!
