It is my opinion Sara that you do not respond to posts about self care. And that includes others who post too, not just V. You are worth it that is why we post to you and keep posting.
As I just typed I've just stopped caring about saving my marriage.
Ceasing to care isn't about detachment, nor about still hanging on. Ceasing to care is willful and rebellious. When I was fostering kids used to say "well, I don't care" and "whatever". When actually they weren't fooling anyone they cared very much.
"Don't care" is being very attached and my thinking isn't about "not caring" for your M, it is about you caring for you. Frankly in my eyes you can stand for your M, for a new M for a long time. I hope you do get a new M, I really want that for you. I would like an invested caring H and one who wants in.
My thinking is irrespective of whether you care about your WH or your M (old or new) you care about you. And at this point I am not seeing that you do. I would want that for you above all else and without self love and compassion with extreme self care you get lost in the mix.
I would like you to have a plan for this self care, goals actions and health. Particularly your physical health.
I know at this point if it doesn't end in reconciliation that I will be fine.
This sentence alone tends in my view to show denial. Expressed in the negative and using the we seal word "fine". I went to this place of denial too, in my case as for many it isn't "fine", there is a grief process and it hurts to walk to the pain. I needed a great deal of help to get off the floor and truly it isn't fine.
It hurts, it depletes, it requires work and internal thought. Each person is different and of course their process is individual. The one thing I see in common, step one is to acknowledge reality, put a plan in place to take care of self.
Truly it isn't fine.
This week I am doing a girl's night out (WH can babysit, ha!) going to schedule a hot stone massage, and I am watching mindless television after the kids go to sleep. How's that for self care? Haha!
GAL is only part of self care and often part of LRT. TV is distraction mainly.
These things are activities, in many ways distractions and of course necessary. Like work GAL and chicken, it helps in parts of the process. If there is a process of self care, a really big process of self care at the core of that which you do.
Something which helps you face the pain, a plan which encourages you to attend to your physical and mental needs. A plan with connection and true support. A plan which includes physical care, health care, eliminate the virus in your body, discussions with friends and family. Medidating, mindfulness, IC, doctors appointments, nutritional it's with food plans, time for you, yoga, dancing, exercise. Massage maybe. Swimming. Plans for you, your life, your fins, your family, your business, your health, your business- all centred around you. All taking care of you, based on you as a precious person you are.
Positive, current, and involved.
Each of us is different and for instance Phoebe has her Taj Mahal chicken parlour, V went travelling in the US and the EE course, Zues has his pool ambition, Dorey refurbished her home.
All of this is part of self care package each of us put together for ourselves.
Sara, I read denial, petulance and poor care of self.
So there!
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Sara, you are very precious.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
