Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 7

[PsySara]

Sometimes I wish my "tone" could be heard when I post. My last post wasn't so much as a "poor pitiful me" post but more along the lines of, "Huh, well I've gotten off the path so time to re-evaluate what I am doing wrong. So I will try to address your advice and concerns individually. (older kids are bathing and WH is outside enjoying a campfire.)

Surfer,
Thank you for the thoughtful and well articulated post, lots of good advice. This was the first (and likely last) MC session we had. The counselor had suggested a book if WH wasn't receptive to MC, when I asked WH about this he actually jumped at MC. The fact is, WH isn't ready to piece (believe nothing they say, eh?) no matter his words. Since that disaster of a session I have become...numb? I feel okay, not heavy just kind of floating along. I slept like a baby last night for the first time in a long time.

Ginger,
My apologies for never addressing you individually before, I have not had much time recently to respond so I have been en masse responding. I have been too focused on WH in this process and thus failing at properly detaching. I've decided to let go and just work on me. I am hitting the mental and physical wall here so no I am going to just take care of myself.

Bluwave,
Thank you for your support, you're an inspiration to us all. Your endurance is amazing and gives me hope, not so much to save my marriage but that I will be able to come out of this okay regardless of my M.

SH,
I have combed over the last few months since WH has come home and realize I have really messed up with the detaching. I've followed his moods too closely and my moods end up reflecting his. This is a monumentally bad move as WH is still utterly lost and has no idea what he wants in life. I've already changed up the plan and have decided to focus on GAL instead of just thinking about GAL.

Sotto,
All in all I've been remarkably okay since the MC blow up. My sleep has improved and I've stopped pursuing. Frankly I am so exhausted that the thought of pursuing makes me want to sleep, lol. Weirdly enough WH and I are getting along fabulously, I just don't care anymore if we stay together or fall apart. It's like my give-a-crap meter just broke.

Vanilla,
Not ignoring your suggestions. As I just typed I've just stopped caring about saving my marriage. I know at this point if it doesn't end in reconciliation that I will be fine. This week I am doing a girl's night out (WH can babysit, ha!) going to schedule a hot stone massage, and I am watching mindless television after the kids go to sleep. How's that for self care? Haha!

Dory,
I've backslid into pursuing and my goodness, talk about backfiring. Something strange has happened in the last few days, I feel completely afloat. I've started feeling WH is a room mate whom I share responsibilities with (children, house keeping). Before I was going through the motions but now I just feel...not nothing...it's hard to express. I just feel like "Meh" when around him. IS this detachment? Apathy? FRankly I kinda don't care.