Okay, your primary love language is probably physical touch. As long as she was having sex with you every day, you were willing to accept the imbalance of responsibility. That may be why one simple hug from her felt so great for you. But the sex has completely shut down and without it, you feel unloved.......and it will start affecting your self esteem.
Physical touch may not be your W's love language, or she may not want it from you. Do you have any idea what her love language is? I think it more probable that one S has a different LL than the other S. Art may be what she loves doing, but that is not what she receives from you. Has she ever told you what she needed from you to feel loved?
I get the impression that you "worked hard" to be rewarded from her having sex with you almost every day of the M. You say you didn't mind, and that you wanted to take care of the needs of your family...........which is NGS script. I suggest you read nice guy syndrome, first. It is short and free download on the Internet. Then read about the five love languages.
I want to say this about you referring to your W's flirtation with the celebrity. The celebrity may or may not be interested in your W.........but your W is in an emotional affair with the celebrity. Don't dismiss the destructive power of an EA......or even an Imaginary Affair. That is when the OP is a fictional character on screen or in literature. It may sound all harmless nonsense to you.........but I grant you it can kill a MR.
I believe your W's infatuation became so strong that it killed her sexual desire for you. A normal woman will romantically desire only one man at a time. She may do everything with her H, but in her heart/mind.....she craves the OM. As long as her EA stays alive in her thoughts, it will affect her feelings. Your MR won't get on a healthy track as long she continues contacting the celebrity........and/or any other man from dating sites, etc.
Do you know if your W has her profile on any type of these sites, or has communicated with some of the members? A bored housewife who is not getting her LL and is unhappy in her MR, could be vulnerable to such sites. Just like you, she'll want to seek out something that makes her feel better. It quickly becomes an addiction! Than you have additional problems.
Sexual flirtation on line should never be seen as harmless.
You wanted to take some type of action, instead of just waiting to see how things go. Read what I previously suggested. Make sure you've read all Cadet's homework. Start thinking about what you want, deserve, and need in a MR. List the action/behavior that you will not tolerate in a relationship, in your home, from your children.....and from your spouse. Then write down what you will do if that action/behavior occurs.
If you don't know the principles, values, beliefs, etc. that you stand on...........then how will you know where to draw the line when it's dishonored? You won't. You will keep on accepting what is thrown on you and being disrespected. You will continue living a lonely and sad life.
Your W may issues that are connected with her past, IDK. Her parents were obviously not good models of a healthy MR. If she watched her mother do whatever and her father was passive and beaten down.......then she has to be taught and inspired by people who know how to have healthy relationships. It could come from interacting with other couples and families on a regular basis, and by reading relationship books (not trash), psychology, etc. She could get therapy for her inner demons. Both of you need to learn how to have balance in your lives, and stop being co-dependent. If you are passive and beaten down like her father......then her feelings for him could carry over to you.
You have to start changing YOU before you can really expect things to change for the better in your M. I think both of you need more involvement in life that requires interaction with others, instead of depending solely on each other. I may be wrong, but the two of you sound so isolated from others. (Especially you). Do you have couple friends? Do you attend church, belong to an organization, attend sporting events, art shows, school or community functions, concerts........anything for fun? I know you said you do everything together, but do you include others and interact with other families? Do your kids play with other children regularly? What type of work do you do?
I hope you won't settle. Don't settle for whatever is left. You should enjoy a full life that includes a variety of sources of enrichment. You have to reach out and get it. If you need help, reach out for it. That is what you did when you joined the board. It may not be coming as fast as you'd like......but it will come.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
