The catch 22, and I know you will get this Don, since you are in the same boat as I am....
It will happen when you least expect it. Well, I didn't expect anything about 3 years post S/D. Wasn't looking, wasn't expecting, just trying to rebuild my life. Nothing ever happened in that time except a male friend who I made a connection with, but didn't want to date me for real. We just had, um "benefits" Then I manage to do that somehow and begin to think of dating and a future with someone else. Not expecting, but entertaining. Nah, still never happened.
Fast forward almost 9 years into this and you could probably echo this, well, yeah, I am expecting it to happen! Sheesh already! Dating, one short R, a few false starts, and I am back to square one. I am afraid I am always going to expect it to happen. Maybe it will come from an unexpected source? IDK. But it is a permanent part of something I hope for. ANd if I don't have hope, I have nothing. My therapist tells me I can't lose hope, because that will be my downfall. She also tells me that "accepting" I'll be alone for rest of my life is the same as losing hope.
For now, I will try to direct my focus off of it. It's not easy. But I need to do it.
So my focus remains on my routine right now. I've made such a nice new gym family. It gets me there everyday. my body is transforming and it's pretty satisfying.
3 days and I haven't heard from the plumber, and I won't. I wish I took the chance to properly say goodbye, but otherwise, no love lost.
I was looking back to this time last year. I was full of hope, and heartache at the same time. My heart strings were being pulled on in every direction. When I get sad an reminiscent and miss it, I remember how even thought the good felt so good, the bad hurt so bad.
Last year I had someone who kept throwing me out and reeling me back in, right at Christmas. This year, I have ME and I have been doing a great job of not messing with my own emotions. Even though I am alone, I do not have the severe Christmas blues of the years past. I think it means I am more in control of my heart. I'll take it!
However, this year, all I want for Christmas is a Pug, just like the one Eric posted with a batman costume. particularly with a batman costume, I know my obsession is a little weird, but they seem to fill up this joy in my heart. But no dogs allowed. Oh well.
