D and MLC

[ciluzen]

I don't know if XH is necessarily being selfish or just overwhelmed by the events. He flew into the maelstrom of anxious upset family and a command center surrounded by hundreds of searchers, volunteers, dogs and horses at the end of his street! We were overwhelmed (both Ds and me) 1500 miles away!

I did talk to him quite a bit on Monday and listened to the fear and worry he was trying to cover up in his voice. I know he was trying to convince himself that there was no need to go down; that she would be found while he was enroute. I kept stressing that I was worried about his dad during this ordeal. I'd like to think that me telling him that is what caused him to catch a plane the next day. He did say on his way to the airport that he was going to go "sit on his dad".

I think he was happy to be able to help his family once he got there, and then be there for her once they found her. I can't fault him for not communicating with me...he was under a bit of duress and, well...we are divorced now. I guess I go back to NC except as necessary. This was just a case of necessary(to me) and he did what my D asked of him by calling, regardless of his reasons for doing it. All else? Well, yeah. He's in MLC. "No expectations" carry a different distribution of weight in MLC, but the same weight none the less.

I will say, the other thing that had me a bit off on the day he flew down was that I had just gotten home from the ER. Due to a pretty violent incident at work, my work mate and I found ourselves going to the hospital. I suffered a concussion basically from a blow to the back of the head and a head butt in front...a coup contracoup injury. She, on the other hand, has been moved and is no longer able to work with my student. So, home during the MIL ordeal. As XH was always very upset when I was injured at work (sometimes not avoidable with severe behavior students), I had to swear the kids to secrecy while he was already stressed about her. It made things a little weird. I wanted the comfort of family, but how can you even consider wanting that when a loved one is lost and in extreme danger? It is a strange, selfish-feeling place to be in. You want comfort from people who can't quite give it, and feel guilty for even thinking it. I'm sure it will pass as things reach baseline.

So, MIL is ok, XH is back, Ds are back to concentrating on work, as am I. Back to real life. My work environment is in flux again, with meetings, observations, reassessments, and the search for a replacement for my partner. But change never stops. That darn river just goes around the fallen tree, the mud slide, the loosened rolling boulder; and continues on as before. I think I'm getting the hang of this as I learn more and more about having to deal with things somewhat alone.