I think I am going to get my hair permed. Not sure yet, but having some $$$$ in the bank will be nice to know. I will have money for attorney if I need one ..at least to get ball rolling. So far, I have always been at H's mercy financially, so just having my own source of cash has a great feeling of power. I plan on getting a part time job when I get done with court.
Thanks, Kitti! Hi, Slowly, Pattie, Totite, T24, Rottzilla, Pam, LL, and Imallright, etc, etc. etc.
Yes, I got the "I got it" feeling about "getting a life" now am working on detachment. I know I am getting close, but am not there, yet. Soon. And yes, I feel wonderful.
I am reading some wonderful books. One is called, "The Purpose Driven Life." Another is called, "The Mastery of Love." Also, "20 Communication Tips for Couples, A 30 Minute Guide to a Better Relationship."
Here are some of the tips,
1. Put your friendship first, even before your love relationship.
2. Don't bring up important issues during rushed or stressful times of the day.
3. Don't confront your mate with a "pre-set" judgment that he or she is wrong or at fault.
4. First, know what you Do want.
5. Focus first on the person with the concern.
There are 20 tips...will give you all the next five tomorrow...if I forget remind me!
Hi, NitaF, Leftandnowhy, Renew4Me, and all the rest of you great db'ers,
Son is going to town to hang with friend. I am jamming out to his cd right now. It's rap music. I'm trying to stay current with what he listens to, so we have things in common.
He is listening to crazy town's music right now. They are not violent awful rap, they are very enjoyable. They do curse, but so do teenagers. LOL
It's not the sex driven, violence driven rap....it's more rebellious rap.( Which is very teenagerish. )
Quote: I acted as if. I did not complain or bring up R talks. I treated him like a friend...I made plans to go out with friends (for while he was gone to work) in front of him so that he could see I have a life....I went to church without him...I pampered him...giving him daily foot rubs....I got out of bed in the morning when he did or shortly thereafter...instead of sleeping half the day away....I stayed sober....I took my meds....when he talked about finances I listened.....I went to my counseling appointment.
I did not complain about him watching sports.
I cooked breakfasts for the two of us and made a cake that I know he likes.
I cooked dinners that he likes and stayed out of the kitchen when he was cooking. I did not say ILY until he was leaving for work.... What didn't I do? I didn't ask a lot of questions. I didn't snoop through his stuff. I didn't try to rehash old issues.
H is coming home on Tuesday. I'm quoting this as a reminder to myself about what works with H.
Yep, Totite, I am going to continue to "ACT AS IF" and hope and pray for the best.
H just called. We talked for twenty minutes. I'm having a hard time finding things to talk to him about, though. He doesn't make much of an effort to talk. I hate doing all the talking. If I don't talk, though, there's just silence.
when things are strained (on either side) conversations seem to not be free flowing - best friends can pick up the phone and talk about ANYTHING to each other. i can only feel that since something is bothering you, your not giving your best to the conversation
remember, one can make the change happen
but hey girl, you are doing so well, who am i to give advice???
Yes, you are right. I am feeling strained and I think he is, too. Both of us know his parents aren't being nice to me....neither of us is saying anything about it. At least, that's what I think is going on right now.
I just don't want to fight about them. I guess I will continue to "ACT AS IF" even if phone conversations are not so great. It's not like the conversations are hurtful or bad, just well, a bit forced.
I called him this morning as I woke up at five a.m. TOLD him I wanted to say good morning and wish him a good day. He did thank me for calling, but had to get off the phone quickly as he was on his way to work. All in all, it was a positive phone conversation...short but sweet.
Some days I think to myself is this all even worth it? Other days, I know it is. It's so odd, I guess I get resentful because it seems I am doing all the work. And I am. He is just his same old self.
Do you think that db'ers sometimes grow OUT of their marriages after changing themselves so much?
