The sorrow of it all

[Dawgs]

Had a great conversation with a co-worker today who is in the same boat as we are. I pointed her in this site's direction and she has lurked but may/may not join.

Listening to her talk brought up a lot of the memories of where I was a year ago, which is about where she is now. She's done a much better job of DBing than I did, but our situations are much, much different. However, hers is responding much like mine did - pulling away even more. I feel for her. She's a good soul.

I realize that my marriage has long been dead and it's in the rearview now. There is a reason the windshield is much bigger than the rearview mirror. It just took me forever to realize that. Although I'm going through another door now, my ex will always be with me, whether I want her to or not.

And that's one of the things that we have to realize. We also must realize that (unless we were a total a** or the like) even though it takes two, it isn't our fault. That took me the longest to learn. For the longest, I felt that it was my fault and really beat myself up...but it took an outside look at her and her past to make me see that it wasn't. I don't hold most of what she did against her, although I'm not sure if some things are totally unforgivable, either. I have a hard enough time with trust as it is, and I'm cursed with a memory that never forgets.

However, now, I'm excited about the possibilities that exist on the other side of the single door. Now, I'm not sure I want another relationship of that magnitude anymore - at least not yet anyway. But everybody needs someone, eh? That's why I'm so excited, yet nervous, about Harley coming to visit. December 17 is when I will meet her at the airport. Oh man that's coming fast. I feel like a freaking school kid...