So that gets me back to my real questions at the moment. Should I pull away? Should I confront her about her flirting? Or should I just cruise along as-is and hope that everything will be ok?
Look, just put the thought aside about pulling away....for a few minutes. A newcomer can often get hung up on one thing and miss everything else people are trying to tell him. We are saying it's too soon for us to know how to answer that question right now. We are still trying to find out more from you.
She thanked you for all the space you have been giving her. What or how does she experience "space" from you? What I'm saying is you work full time, then go home and work. Are you thinking that giving her space is freeing her up from cooking/cleaning, etc.? If she does not work full time outside of the home, keeping the children...only...IMO, should not be all that's expected from her. She is not the babysitter, she is a wife, a mother, and a homemaker. Is she not capable of running things at home?
If you chose to be the one who took care of everyone's needs.....then how was that supposed to make her feel? I mean you can take care of their financial needs (since you are working), and you can do the yard work or repairs on the house, etc. But to do everything other than sit with the kids all day, was not doing her any favors. I don't understand young men who have this idea their W is not suppose to lift her hand to do any kind of housework or cooking, although she's at home all day. IMO, in order to have her H come home from a full time job and start doing all the work at home there should be a reason....other than him "providing all the needs of his family" For example, if she is sick/disabled or incapable in some kind of way. If she's not working, and is able/capable but you just chose to treat her like a royal princess, then the results will be a very spoiled, and disrespectful W. There is a big, big difference in being well & capable, from disabled/incapable. There is also a big difference in doing your work and helping out at home.....than doing your work plus everything at home. It sure didn't help her already low self-esteem for you to do everything yourself (if she was able). In the beginning, it could have made her feel as though you didn't trust her ability to take care of things at home. Do you see what I mean? IMHO, you have not done any favors for your W by acting as if she is not smart enough, or stable enough, to do anything herself.
What were her reasons for choosing not to drive?
Quote:
She hugged me and it was nice. I'm afraid to get hopeful but maybe she had reached a turning point inside herself?
She thanked you. That's all. The fact that she hugged means nothing! It's like hugging a brother or an aunt. It is no great sign that she's changing her mind,or that she's at some turning point or anything. Am I just trying to burst your hope? No, I am telling you so that you won't think every little thing she does has some great significance behind it, only to be disappointed again.
What else can you tell us?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
