SBJ
Just catching up with your sitch. You have been receiving excellent advice from folks. I agree with Cal that you are still spinning a bit. Normal for where you are in all of this.

From where I sit….you still seem to think that something YOU do is going to change what SHE does. It will not. Stop looking for some tactic to illicit a different response from HER and deal with what “is”. Try to stop worrying so much about HER.

You’ve asked how to drop the rope. It is actually easier to do then many believe. It really just takes ACTION. It takes YOU turning your attention inward. It take you stopping your thoughts from what she is doing, what she is saying, etc.

Consider this….when you were a child…how long did it take you to stop touching an open fire for the fear of getting burned? I am sure you figured out quickly that if you touch the fire you will get burned. Why is it then….that you cannot figure out that right now, you need to let go. Think about that.

When friends, family, etc start with….. “did you know what I heard, saw, read…” STOP them in their tracks and let them know that you prefer NOT to know or hear about it. That you are focused on YOU.

As for cutting contact…..

You really cannot completely cut contact as you have children together. That said, you can change HOW YOU communicate with her.

Here are a few things to think about…

1) Does the response require a YES or NO answer? If so, then your answer should be no more than 3 letters. I suspect the biggest issue you will have trying to follow this piece of advice is the FEAR YOU have…. The fear of how she may feel, respond or interpret your response. Honestly, who gives a rats arse.

2) If a longer conversation is required… do not try to explaining YOUR point of view or position. State YOUR point of view as a fact and leave it at that.

Example: No I think the kids should do X because (insert all of your reasons) can become this long answer where you find yourself explaining and justifying your position. A better way may be. NO the kids should do X. Period.

As for the younger sister calling you – stop trying to explain an MLC. Stop trying to be the fixer. FOCUS ON YOU.

MLC, WAW, Batchit crazy…..the approach is ALWAYS the same. FOCUS ON YOU, DETACH and GAL. There is a reason the approach is the same.

As Cadet would say….”Trust the process”.

"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans