Yes, that is exactly what I've done. I expect her to call again soon or text. Part of me wants to answer but at the same time I don't know if it will be anything good right now. Do I just continue to ignore her completely?
From very personal experience, I did just like you. XW moved out, actually had EA, would call and text and blame me, then want to sign the D as fast as possible, then tell me if I had only done XYZ - then she would want me to come over to have sex with her. Then she would rant about some awful thing I had done a year ago. Then tell me that she loved me, and was sad so much love was going to disappear.
It went on for probably 6 months until I finally said, "Have your lawyer contact my lawyer when you file the paperwork. Here is his address and phone number." Then I went solid dark.
She texted and called probably 100 times over the next few days, sometimes pleading, sometimes furious, sometimes clearly drinking! It was probably the most willpower I've ever exercised to not respond, but I somehow didn't. I also started working out, scheduling specific fun time out with friends (even though sometimes it was gut-wrenching), joined a book club, started some house projects. Over the next four months, I was solid dark, I lost 30 pounds, got new clothes, had a hairstylist get me a nice haircut, and actually met a nice girl. XW finally found out about it from some random connection, and she couldn't take it.
She came to ME, sobbing and apologizing and scheduled marriage counseling the next week.
I don't know if that's how your story will go - but I can tell you can't go wrong with a few of the things I did along with the total dark.
Bippy78, wow!! that does sound just like my situation. It's been going on for 2 months with the back and forth. Not sure if you read my previous posts but over the weekend I lost it and said we either both start giving 100% to fix this or finish getting your personnel items out of the house. She came and got her stuff and blames me for it... I wish I would have started all this when she first moved out. At that time, she just wanted space. I pursued and it pushed her further away. I guess I will know more if she files for D this week. It doesn't help with her living with her parents. She has a feel of security there vs. a empty home
Of course she'll blame you. XW did the same thing - you are forgetting some of the core principles of DB, starting with ignore what they say.
I read somewhere else on here where someone said when they do the attacking it's because they NEED you to be the bad guy - so you justify their choices. If you are calm, kind, considerate, work on yourself, go dark and stop chasing, then all of a sudden you make them look like the person who left and is a jerk, and they can't stand it. I can tell you for a fact that's exactly what happened with me.
Yes I have this also about the attacking. It makes perfect sense. She told me so many times she hates all of this and didn't want it to happen. She wanted to believe me that I'm working on myself but thinks it's fake....
I'm continuing to go to counseling for myself. I've realized the things I did wrong in the relationship and I'm willing to put in the time and effort. Yesterday, was the first day that I didn't hear a word from her. It's hard because we were the type to text/call each other 24/7.
Well not much change. Went to college game last night with a buddy. Wife text during the game asking about her iTunes bill changing to her old credit card. I didn't respond till after the game and said I'm not sure but your cc has always been on that account with mine. I get another text a 3:30am asking to explain and another this morning with just my name. I hate this crap!!!!
It's hard to ignore and I know from the past it makes her angry but I don't know what else to do
I also should say I'm really missing her today. I think part of it is the weekend and the holidays coming up. Idk, i think this is the worst pain a person can feel. You love someone so much and they act like they could care less to you. To see how they can just walk away. It's hard to process somedays.
bsb, I'm so sorry you're missing her today. I understand it though, and it is okay to miss her. I know it hurts too so that is the downside to it for sure. Hopefully you can find something to take your mind off of it and something to bring you a little joy today. Stay strong!
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
Thanks fightin, I've been following your situation too. I'm just not much help at this stuff yet! She keeps texting. Just my name, ??, and the last one is ....... I know she's getting angry or upset that I'm not responding because it's completely not like me. Normally I would respond within minutes. I feel like not responding is making things worse but I know that goes against what I'm supposed to be doing. I answered her original question last night so I'm not sure what she's trying do
From very personal experience, I did just like you. XW moved out, actually had EA, would call and text and blame me, then want to sign the D as fast as possible, then tell me if I had only done XYZ - then she would want me to come over to have sex with her. Then she would rant about some awful thing I had done a year ago. Then tell me that she loved me, and was sad so much love was going to disappear.
It went on for probably 6 months until I finally said, "Have your lawyer contact my lawyer when you file the paperwork. Here is his address and phone number." Then I went solid dark.
She texted and called probably 100 times over the next few days, sometimes pleading, sometimes furious, sometimes clearly drinking! It was probably the most willpower I've ever exercised to not respond, but I somehow didn't. I also started working out, scheduling specific fun time out with friends (even though sometimes it was gut-wrenching), joined a book club, started some house projects. Over the next four months, I was solid dark, I lost 30 pounds, got new clothes, had a hairstylist get me a nice haircut, and actually met a nice girl. XW finally found out about it from some random connection, and she couldn't take it.
She came to ME, sobbing and apologizing and scheduled marriage counseling the next week.
I don't know if that's how your story will go - but I can tell you can't go wrong with a few of the things I did along with the total dark.
This was what did it for me too. Unfortunately I had put up with two years of the mind games you described above before I had had enough. When I got my act together, made positive changes for myself, and started to really move on (had a couple of coffee dates with some very nice women), a switch flipped in my crazy midlife crisis wife and the wonderful sane woman I had been in love with for 26 years reappeared.
Spouses that go through these crazy times want what they can't have. If they can't have you then that's who they'll want.
