The sorrow of it all

[Dawgs]

I think that this Christmas is going to be difficult. The ex is still holding firm to her selfish belief that it's good for the kids, even when they are starting to show signs of cracking. I am starting to dislike Christmas now.

Maybe things do happen for a reason, and I think that Harley Quinn came in at the right time for me. Not that I am making future plans, because I don't even know my own self. But it sure is nice to have someone excited enough who wants to call/message me on their own without having to be prompted in some form.

I don't know what I want from Harley. I'm not even sure where this will go. But this is all so reminiscent of when she was in Iraq - our messages/calls are back to that level again. I do think she understands my mindset - and my issues on trust. Harley has been my voice of reason over these past few months or so now, and has settled me in ways I haven't been in a long time.

And yes, the trip is definitely on and she is coming this month. I'm excited but scared at the same time. She won't be around the kids - I'm not ready for that and she is very understanding. Maybe this is what I really need, or maybe its just what I need right now. I've been upfront with her and yet she is still coming. Dang its nice to actually be thought of and wanted to be seen.