Just remember that some people are just PLAIN IGNORANT. That may be the case with you MIL and BIL or, they may honestly be torn in their loyalty to your H behind the PAST difficulties between the two of you that he's shared with them.
Often, we go to our family to dump our pain and although WE eventually bounce back from it, the pain we've dumped in their lap lingers because they love us and don't want us in pain. So even though you and your H are working on fixing things...his mom and bro may still be harboring resentment for the pain that your H has told them YOU caused him.
You sort of have to give his mom and bro a pass on thier ignorance because 'blood is thicker than water'...and some families just don't know when to mind their OWN business and just be happy that the their son/daughter and their mate are working things out.
Don't worry about them for now...just concentrate on ALL the great growth that YOU and your H are now experiencing. T2
When my family experiences a D in it, they take sides. Preferrably the side of the blood relation. It may be nothing more than this. My mom's mom let my dad stay with her until my mom told her it made her uncomfortable. I remember her telling me that she had told him to find an apartment. She said SIL, I love you, but my daughter is my blood. I have to stick with her.
It may be something like that. Perhaps next time stop and talk to them, let them know that you and your H are still amicable and they don't have to choose sides.
So, they are being plain rude. I sent cake over to them and they sent it back to me. No explanation. Just sent it back.
After the incident in town, where MIL and BIL ignored me, I know where I stand with them. I will not put myself in harm's way. Will be civil if they come to my home, but will not go to their home and will not go out of my way to do anything nice for them. I will keep them in my prayers, but they will have to make the first move toward me reconciling with them. I have no reason to try at this point. They have shown me how they feel.
FIL has been different. He has been civil and has come over to the house. He has an excuse for MIL each time he is here. So, whatever.
H is ignoring whole situation. Like if he sticks his head in the sand, it will go away.
I am not going to let them hurt me. I will take care of me. I will not put myself in a position for them to hurt me.
It's up to me to take care of myself. It is not H's responsibility.
All of you have given me some good advice. I need to stop venting and start really deciding what to do here. I will pay attention to everything each of you said.
hi akgal - just caught up with your sitch, i need positives today, and am so happy things are working out for you. my 2 cents, not to let the side shows distract you (like in laws) you and H are the main event have a great weekend, slowly
I forgot about the cake incident. I would not waste my breath on them other than being cordial when you see them. No need to partake in trying to start a conversation. They are in their own sad little world.
Just enjoy and nuture your R with your H and his father.
Hope your weekend is going great. Tomorrow is day 45 isn't it? Yeah for you!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
That's my plan. I plan to be civil when they come here, but other than that...who cares!
I will not be rude, but will not initiate conversation with any of them. Saw all three...fil, bil, mil at grocery store yesterday and they ignored me again.
H will never say anything to his parents. They are perfect in his eyes. So, I just have to make sure I don't say anything to him against his parents...which is what they want.
And I won't do it.
Actually, they never involved themselves with me when H was gone, anyway, so nothing has really changed except they would have offered rides to me before if they saw me in town. I have gotten so used to taking cabs that it's no big deal.
When and if they get over themselves, then I will be nice as pie. Until then, I will ignore them, too. No problem.
Got an unexpected windfall yesterday. Received 2300 from EXXON settlement. It's just a small piece of what's to come. Am going to buy H a nice grill for birthday, pay some medical and credit expenses, and then put rest away for me for emergency use...not 100% sure I won't ever need an attorney for D...sure I don't want one, but don't trust H 100%.
have a great weekend, slowly 