Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 7

[Surfer]

Sara,

Look SH and Blu have really created food for thought here. you add to this too.

However this

I've been doing it all wrong.

Is utter Bullsh!t.

You have not been doing to wrong. You have been trying to get it right. That involves being human. Everyone backslides, makes a wrong turn, gets on the rollercoaster. You are doing it right, its the way everyone does - you learn by your mistakes. Okay you may have made mistakes but you WILL get there.

No self-pity. One of your primary goals is to love and respect yourself the way you wish your H would (as others have pointed out). Listen to MWD's LRT again and again. It's a great help....you know this and if you need to post all the time. So what.

In terms of talking - it helps. Be careful about who you talk to though - you have to undo all the pain the recipient of your talk feels at some point so check the "Don't Ask Don't Tell" part of the MWD LRT downloads. IC's are good I find - personally after a point they open up wounds a little. I think there is a time you need them though and a time when you no longer do. An IC that just listens might be really good. Although an unconnected and discreet female friend would be good IMHO. I relied on my male and female friends - I no longer need to. Exercise is good too of course, you now this.

MC was not the best idea in fairness. But if you don't try how do you know. We have all done it. We did. My W used it to spew. They want an audience for the re-written history. It makes the history live for them. Personally, it seems that neither the MC process or lady is not right for you at this point. Our MC lady had pretty much the same approach although she told my W "she was the problem" - that went down well (as I am sure you can imagine.....oh dear). The point here is just move on from it.

Also, take the smart parts of what you do and "see" them. Focus on the positives - that chat in the car. You laughed together!!! If the MC process brought that about - it was worth it to some degree.

Let MWD talk directly to you in the LRT downloads. It will help to guide you. Like all of us we need to stay as detached as possible as part of the process we also need to focus. The key bullet points that accompany the downloads are good for focus.

Also, - no expectations and learn to love yourself (this too is a choice). Become the best you can be. FOR YOU ONLY. No pretending - it needs to be for you. You need to be able to look in the mirror and see a person you love and respect. If you don't neither will he. My bet is, he does not love and respect himself either. My W struggles to look in a mirror at times - I never really understood this.

You will get there Sara. I am sure. Where "there" is, is happiness. The sooner you get there - the sooner your H will see you happy and confident and that my friend is the nearest thing to the magic bullet you will find!!!

Now, chin up. Sort out the heath side of things and march on. Detach, No expectations, GAL and have some fun with friends and kids. This Christmas is for fun! Get planning it and have it. No regrets, no looking back.

Surfer.